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Dancing To Love

by Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

A Texas friend of ours swears that great love comes to those who dance.  And guess what, he makes a very compelling case!

For those of you that have read our new book, Building a Love that Lasts:  The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (2008), you will recall our chapter called “The Loving Touch.” 

In a nutshell, we have concluded that one of the seven secrets of a successful loving relationship is touching.  If you pass the one you love 100 times a day, touch them!  Touching acknowledges the presence of the one you love and tells them, “I love you so much I simply must touch you.” 

We base this finding about “touching” on our study of 15,000 years of successful marriage – marriages we studied across cultures and continents, across ethnicities, and across the socio-economic spectrum.  Touching is a very important part of love.  All successful loving relationships thrive on the human touch by the one they love and the one who loves them.

Dancing is a great example of touching.  We have written endlessly about the Tango, a dance we call the “dance of love.”  When we traveled to Buenos Aires, Argentina recently we were blown away by the exotic and loving nature of the Tango.  They dance it on the street, in Tango clubs like Senor Tango, and at home!  In fact, we were so enamored with the Tango, we wrote a chapter in our book about it entitled “It Takes Two To Tango.”

Now, here is where this all comes together.  The great marriages and loving relationships we have studied demonstrate the power of touch in the loving relationship.  Relationships that touch the most, love the most.  We are convinced of that! 

And secondly, we are absolutely convinced of this important axiom – it takes two to Tango.  You cannot Tango by yourself.  In so many ways, the Tango is the essence of so many successful loving relationships.  In the best marriages and loving relationships we have studied, “I” and “me” and “you” becomes “we” and “us” and “our.”

So you now see why dancing is such a great way to find love, to be in love, and to enjoy love.  Our Texas friend is a smart guy!

Every loving relationships hits bumps in the road.  Sometimes those bumps turn into earthquakes!  The point is, even the best relationships have moments when they hit a wall – when they are full of despair and angst.  In our opinion, based on years of research and observation, these periods strengthen these relationships.  Do not despair!

Here is what you do next time your relationship is down and when your relationship has lost some of its romance – go dancing!  Whatever your favorite music venue is, find it and go dancing.  Whether it is Big Band, Tango, Country Dancing, Samba, the Cha Cha, Disco, Waltz, Swing, or the Salsa, just go dancing!  You will spend the night touching the one you love, sharing wonderful and sensual moments together, and regaining once again the magic of why you are in love because it does take Two to Tango.

Ah, Love by Dancing – is there anything better?  And as we always say, in love and marriage the simple things matter.  A great relationship can be improved by simple acts.  Just go dancing!

Love well!


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