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Love and Marriage Article

Governor Sanford Betrays His Wife

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts

It appears that the Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, has admitted to having an affair.  His extramarital love affair with a woman from Argentina has again driven home the point that trust is at the heart of the most successful marriages, and when you betray that trust, saving your marriage is very, very difficult.

Frankly, if we hear yet one more person talk about infidelity in a relationship as if it were okay, not a big deal, and forgivable, we are going to get angry!

We have studied the best marriages for nearly 26 years and we know this – the best marriages would never engage in unfaithfulness – they would never engage in infidelity.

Here is the whole truth and nothing but the truth – being disloyal to the one you love is an unpardonable sin!  Why would anyone who engages in this disloyal, dishonest, and morally reprehensible behavior think it is okay?  To betray someone you purport to love is unconscionable.  And as we often say, based on our years of research with successfully married couples, there is a “character element” to marriage and to violate the “code of conduct” in a marriage – to engage in the ultimate form of betrayal – is to destroy the core, the heart, of that relationship.

As you have noticed over the years, we are not angry people.  Clearly, we are not unreasonable people.  And the truth is, we know what makes marriages work.  Being unfaithful to the one you love is not conducive to a wholesome, successful, and endearing relationship.

Here’s the deal – there are NO excuses for infidelity!  There is no way to excuse infidelity.  Being unfaithful to the one you love is the most unpardonable of all sins.  To violate the “core of trust” in your marriage or loving relationship is, simply put, to destroy the relationship.

It is our considered opinion – based on many years of research – that the notion of character in marriage is real.  To suggest otherwise is to ignore the basic tenets of successful relationships.  We guess that it is time to say, “The buck stops here!”  Literally translated – there are no excuses for disloyalty and infidelity to your spouse – to your lover.

Over the years, we have interviewed a lot of people who purported to be in love.  We have interviewed a lot of couples that repeated the vows, “Until Death Do Us Part.”  And these are not just words!  To love someone for a lifetime does not occur by accident.  To be in love is not an accident.  To be in love is to do the simple things day in and day out of your relationship with the one you say you love.  But trust us on this – you cannot betray the one you love and expect your marriage to survive and thrive.

It pains our heart to see couples espouse the virtues of the “Desperate Housewives” who think it’s okay to cheat on the one your love, and everything will be okay.  It drives an arrow through our heart to think that there are people engaged in a loving relationship who think that betrayal is an offense for which there is forgiveness.

The ultimate betrayal of the one you say you love is an unrecoverable act!  Writers, therapists, counselors, and psychologists who suggest otherwise are not only fooling themselves, they are misleading those they purport to represent.

Don’t be fooled and don’t be foolish.  There is rarely EVER a recovery from a relationship that sinks to betrayal, infidelity, and disloyalty.  Those who have been successfully married for years and years know this to be true.  Don’t be misled by those who suggest otherwise.

Simple things matter in love and marriage.  We hope Governor Mark Sanford has learned the importance of trust in a marriage.

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