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Love and Marriage Article

Making Love Your New Year's Resolution

by Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

This is the time of the year when so many of us make promises to ourselves and others that we hardly ever keep!  These so-called “New Year’s Resolutions” sound good when we make them but, all too often, we ignore them by Valentine’s Day. 

You know the familiar refrains – I will lose weight.  I will quit smoking.  I will call my Mom at least once a week! – and the list goes on. 

How about you do something different this year.  How about making a New Year’s Resolution that you plan to keep.  Why not make a commitment to make love your New Year’s Resolution?  More importantly, why don’t you make a commitment to tell someone you deeply love that you really love them – and that you will do it several times every day in 2009!

Make this the year that you do not commit the egregious sin of saying, “Oh, I don’t need to tell her (him) I love her (him).  They know I love them.”  Wrong!  If you love someone you must tell them – you must tell them every day.  You must tell them how much you love them and how important they are in your life.  You cannot possibly love someone with all your heart and with all your soul, and not tell him or her every day.  It is simply not possible.  Here’s why.

We have interviewed hundreds of happily married couples over the past 26+ years.  We report our findings in our new book entitled Golden Anniversaries:  The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage.

We have learned many things from the many lovebirds we have interviewed, but one thing is certain – one thing is pervasive in all of our interviews – people in love say so!  They tell each other every day.  They shout it to the stars each day.  To be in love – to be truly in love – is to tell the one you love that you love them every day of your life.  To do less is to diminish your love for them.

Recently, we were in France interviewing successfully married couples.  While in Lyon we spent time with the grandparents of one of Charley’s exchange students, Barbara, who lives in Lyon with her husband Francois.  Her wonderful grandparents had been in love for nearly 61 years.  They reported to us that every day of their lives together they tell each other how much they love each other – how deep their love for each other is.  To watch their eyes mist up over the mere mention of their love for each other brought tears to our eyes as well. 

We have seen this reaction over and over in the collective 15,000 years of marriage we have interviewed over these past 26+ years.  It’s always the same – people in love show their love for each other, but they also TELL their love for each other.  They do it every day.  To understand why they have stayed married for so long – in this case 58 years – you only have to observe their love for each other and listen to their words.  You just have to listen to their words.  They love each other and they tell each other so many times each day.  You can learn a lot from people who are truly in love.

So, friends, when you start making your New Year’s Resolutions this year, start with love.  After love, all things are possible.  Make love your New Year’s Resolution.  You will never regret it.

Love well.

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